Stressful job vs travelling Central & South America. It shouldn’t be a difficult decision to make; there’s a clear winner there right? Right.
But if so…why the little voice whispering “Are you sure you know what you’re doing?” before I fall asleep at night. It’s a decidedly annoying voice, and one which I first attempted to silence by throwing myself decisively into the preparations for the trip.
So I’ve braved the multiple vaccinations like a big girl, I’ve had my backpack expertly fitted and adjusted, I’m now the proud (and bemused) owner of a mosquito net and I’ve reluctantly come to the heart-wrenching conclusion that the heels will have to be left at home. All of them. Even the cream-and-tan snake-skin heels that do actually go with everything in my wardrobe (previous bridesmaid dress included).
And yet the whispers still came. “Are you sure you know what you’re doing?”
The other day I decided sit down and have a coffee with the little voice. Metaphorically speaking, obviously.
“Are you sure you know what you’re doing?” it asked.
I hesitated. I had always been afraid to answer the question. In my hesitation, I ultimately answered the question. No, I do no know what I’m doing. No, I do not know if it will be worth the money. No, I don’t know that I even have enough money for the trip – I might end up completely broke. No, I do not know whether A and I will last a year without strangling each other. No, I don’t know how workaholic me is going to cope without work. No, I don’t know whether I be able to get a job when I get back.
“Well now,” said the voice calmly. “And so why are you heading off on this trip then?”
I took a deep breath. And the answers tumbled out
“Because I want to eat real tacos, I want to learn to salsa, I want to hike up volcanos, I want to drink cheap beer on foreign beaches, I want to see the Mayan ruins, I want to surf, I want to learn Spanish. I don’t want to dream about far off lands anymore, I need to see them.”
If a voice could smile, then this one would have. “Sounds like a good plan,” it said. “I think you should go do it. The doubts are just details. You’ll sort it out as you go.”
Wise words. Thank you whispering voice – you may go now.
So…do I know what I’m doing? Not at all. But am I doing the right thing? Absolutely.